Jack Bauer is our hero

Ok, Jim and I are a little addicted to "24" and so are many of my family members and friends! I know who you all are=) Anyways, we are watching the past season on DVD right now because we didn't watch it on TV. We like to watch it on DVD, that way you can watch 3 episodes a night and not have to wait till next week...pathetic, I know! So, I ran across these Bauerisms and thought I'd share them! If you don't watch the show... you need to!! It's great!

Jack Bauerisms:
1.. If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
2.. If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
3.. Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauerkilled Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
4.. Jack Bauers calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one foolsJack Bauer.
5.. Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
6.. Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the nexthalf-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
8.. If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken,but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's freakin beef.
9.. Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious rightnow is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
10.. Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
11.. 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fairfight.
12.. Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to JackBauer.
13.. Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of himfinding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
14.. Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
15.. Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
16.. Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he wasshooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
17.. When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish hisvegetables.
18.. Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
19.. Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is areal fact.
20.. Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if JackBauer says something then you better do it.
21.. Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His secondfavorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
22.. Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to LanceArmstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.
23.. Your attraction to Jack Bauer in no way affects your sexualorientation.
25.. You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
26.. When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
27.. When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for JackBauer.
28.. Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30AM.
29.. Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Jack Bauer".
30.. Jack Bauer got Helen Keller to talk.
31.. In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
32.. Jack Bauer once killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5
CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia whodownloaded the movie Dodgeball.
33.. Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
34.. It would only take 1 bullet for Jack Bauer to kill 50 Cent.
35.. If you spell Jack Bauer in a Scrabble game, you win. Forever.
36.. If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would makea bomb out of MacGyver and get out.
37.. Jack Bauer has been to Mars. Thats why theres no life on Mars.
38.. Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell aboutit.
39.. People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.
40.. "Jack Bauer" is Arabic for "I'm screwed.
41.. Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he isstronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you're dead."
42.. No man has ever used the phrase, "Jack Bauer is a pussy" in asentence and lived to tell.
43.. Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gaveup the location of the egg.
44.. What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer doesnot bleed.
45.. Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was achild. Once.
46.. Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs atSuperman for having a weakness.
47.. If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.
48.. If O.J. ever met Jack Bauer, he'd confess.
49.. Jack Bauer once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They madehim blink.
50.. Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he getswhen he's knocked out or temporarily killed.
51.. Jack Bauer makes onions cry.
52.. Jack Bauer knows Victoria's secret.